Sights In The Cancer Waiting Room

Hello again, I know its been a long time since I last wrote anything so I’m sorry for the brief delay in writing but I hope this one makes up for it!

Recently I’ve had a lot going through my mind regarding my health and how things can change so quickly. It’s amazing to see how different things in my life are totally different now and how I’m thankful for that because that put me into the situation I am in now. I am totally thankful to be healthy and living the way I am now and I am thankful I went through what I did because I’ve gained a new perspective on life now.

I recently had to go to Ann Arbor for my doctors appointment. At this appointment I would meet with a doctor that was in charge of my medicine, then go get a CT scan, and then meet with an oncologist to talk about the results of the scan, so it was a long day. Being honest, the doctors visit in the morning is so surface level now that it doesn’t feel necessary. Don’t get me wrong, this is a GREAT thing because that means I am totally fine and doing well. Before hand during my recovery my appointments would be long and full of probing questions and pain because just standing up and sitting down would be so painful. So that appointment was quick and easy and the results of that are that I don’t have to go back for another 6 months!! Praise God for that!

Secondly I had a CT scan of my chest and then an appointment to go over the results of the scans. Now this is what is important. Why? The doctors saw something in the last CT scan that showed something in my lungs that could prove to be harmful, but believing that it’s nothing and I’m still cancer free.

So I go into the CT room cracking jokes and trying to get to know my technician a little bit because she is sticking an IV in my arm and I don’t want a total stranger doing that. But deep down there was pit in my stomach that wouldn’t go away; a fear that that the cancer was still there and growing in my lungs. If you know anything about me when I get scared, nervous, or have some sort of pain I try to coat and cover it with humor, and that is what I was trying to do during the CT scan. The entire scan I am talking to God internally just trying to make deals with Him. I would say “I tithe and love you so don’t let me still have cancer” or “I’m a dirty rotten sinner, so of course I still have cancer in my body”. The funny thing is; that isn’t how God works. His mercies are made new everyday and his love covers all sins and transgressions with grace. I get done with the scan and walk over to the cancer center awaiting my doctor to call my name.

During my wait in the cancer center of the hospital I see a lot of people in the waiting room. It broke my heart. I saw people older than me, sicker than me, people who have more money, I saw people with hope and without hope, and I saw people alone. I couldn’t help but think about everyone else’s story and personal experience with cancer. I couldn’t help but think that everyone was looking at me and thinking that I didn’t belong there, that I was an outcast because I didn’t know the true struggle of having cancer since most of my struggles came post operation.I felt guilty. I felt guilty for getting a transplant, and I wanted to give every one of those souls in that room a chance at healing that I got. No one should have to suffer and I wanted to give everyone healing.

I caught myself staring at a youngish couple and the woman in the relationship was obviously in a cancer fight. She was in a wheelchair, shaved head, skinny, pale and was the name that was called when it came down to her appointment. Before she left I was watching her interactions, her overall demeanor on life. I was shocked to see that she was brilliantly positive during it. She was cracking jokes with her husband while he sat uneasily in the chair holding her hand. She was all smiles and unashamed to be laughing at a Facebook video of Jimmy Fallon. She had a contagious spirit about her that made me feel better about my chances of my upcoming appointment.

It is funny to see how God works like that. How just a simple spirit of joy and positivity helps other people. In Romans 8:37 it says that despite all things, OVERWHELMING victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. It is so easy to be caught up in chains of a physical or mental health battle and just lay there while more and more chains get piled on. It is easy to put those chains on ourselves. We can play victim and get defeated easily when facing anything because that  means we feel isolated from God. In all honestly we are never isolated from God in  Proverbs 30 it talks about how God’s word is always true and is a shield to all who love Him. God will take care of those who delight in Him, and who love Him. He will provide overwhelming power and victory to those who walk with Jesus daily, and through that you see chains being lifted and you see your mind start to clear up and see your heart become less cluttered.

Love Him unconditionally and He will shield you from the attacks of the enemy; it says so in His word and His word NEVER fails and never comes back void. I think we can be caught in a situation like I was in the waiting room, feeling guilty for being “healthier” than other people when in all reality health is such a relative term, the only health that matters is spiritual health. God obviously wants our physical bodies to be full of health and prosperity, it says so in His word, but He wants us to spiritually healthy because that is what runs our lives. We can become discouraged in a battle and start to lay down and be chained up. Even after a battle we can put our spirit in that same place it was in that battle and lay down and add the chains that you once shed. Whether those chains are doubt, fear, nervousness, anger, insecurity or pure confusion, we can add those to our everyday lives and they weigh us down and distract us from the call of God on our lives.

Psalms 42:11- Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again- my savior and my God.

I think everyone reading this should take time to see about their heart and their spirit is doing. If it isn’t where you want it to be, put your hope in God again. PRAISE HIM, do a praise dance. Put on Kirk Franklin, do something specific to you to start praising God for who He is again. Fall in love with His character again, not just the idea of who God is. Get to know Him as a living and breathing person and watch those chains be lifted off of you permanently. God is in the restoration business, and He wants to send that power to you. Get to know Him, find your joy and find your reason to smile again. Never ever give up and keep up the fight of faith. Make it a lifestyle of praise and honor of God and watch how God moves.

Now, my doctors appointment came up and the scans came back in a positive light!! NO NEW GROWTH. The appointment literally lasted 5 minutes and we left, I couldn’t have pictured a better outcome, and it is only God behind all of this. I stepped out in faith, with praise on my lips, and He delivered. I will never know what could have been for me, and I will never know why I got the transplant when I did, but I am thankful for it. I am blessed to have a new life again, and I am blessed to be able to look people who are dealing with a similar struggle in the eye and tell them that if a scrawny 20 year old from Portage, MI can get through it, so can they. Anyone can beat a health battle, anyone can win, it is all about the spirit and joy you continue to carry throughout.

Never Give up hope, and never give up on seeing the brighter side of life. God is always good, and He is always sovereign. He has a plan.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s